Experiencing trouble in paradise? Has there been friction recently, and you’re desperately hoping to restore the warmth and tender feelings? Or are you the smart one who doesn’t want to learn from your mistakes, and so you want to know how to always be on the same trust frequency? Whatever you’re looking for, today, we will understand the fundamentals of trust in a relationship.
Trust is that priceless ingredient that forms the foundation of every relationship. If compared to a house, trust would be the foundation as well as the pillars holding the house firm and the roofing that secures the top. Without it, you have nothing left – just two hurting souls.
The problem is, trust is as precious as an egg: it’s the lifeline of any relationship, but it’s fragile and can break without you even knowing it. It calls for constant awareness and consistent efforts to build trust and maintain it for life.
How?
Read on to find out how to build your trust again even after it’s broken.
The more times you break it, the more undependable you become…
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Trust Takes Time
Think of trust as a baby just born – it takes time to grow and grows stronger the more you feed it right. That might not be the case for everyone, though. For some, trust comes easily. Others have undergone traumatic experiences that limit the amount of trust they have towards others. However, even for those in whom trust comes easy, they won’t open up every part of themselves to you at once but gradually.
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Be present and consistent
Treat trust like a baby, and it will treat you like royalty. Be patient when your mate isn’t willing to open up and be sure that they will in time. That calls for great patience with each other and long-suffering as you embrace each other’s character.
A close assessment at the dating sites shows that regardless of how careful you are to guard that trust, you might slip one day since we are not perfect. Remember, patience comes in handy at such moments when you have all the reasons not to trust again.
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Trust is a Two-Way Communication Line
Ever been on a call with someone, but you were the only one communicating or receiving communication? Well, that sucks, right?
Most couples wrestle with how to build trust communication channels. One of the most common remarks we hear as counseling psychologists is, “I feel as though I’m the only one in this relationship making it work.” More often than not, there is usually a broken communication channel in such instances.
Communication is a crucial aspect of how to build trust online or offline. Especially in the modern age where technology has come to replace social connections, you will have to be vulnerable with your partner at one point or another (and make sure they read this too.)
Trust involves communication at all times – even with honest actions.
All that requires you to set aside your personal prejudices (easier said than done.) The goal of communication is not always to agree with each other but to allow your partner to know where your thoughts and mind are at. Open and effective communication channels are especially vital when learning how to build trust in long-distance relationships. The goal is to ensure you are each other’s open books.
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To Build Trust Calls for Great Kindness
So you’ve learned how to be patient and open up every time. The question is, are you opening up properly? Are you giving them the respect you want to receive?
Trust means a high level of kindness – in fact, more than you could ever show yourself. This means casting down any form of pride, boasting, or rude talk. If you belittle your mate every time you talk, you may end up tightening their walls of defense in a bid to protect their hurting hearts. Rather than praise yourself and puff yourself up, be kind and gentle to encourage and uplift your mate at all times continually.
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Don’t worry, It doesn’t bite
Do you want to know how to build trust after it’s broken? Well, the secret formula involves a double portion of kindness. Kindness isn’t about all the prince-charming efforts you can conjure up but more about the little things. Feel honored to fetch them an occasional glass of water to keep them hydrated; offer to pick up the kids when you know your partner is held up; get in the kitchen to help in cooking and cleaning (where are the guys in the house?)
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Keep It Real
You can be sure your partner knows you fully well, depending on how long you have been together. One mistake we often see couples doing probably after cheating or a major mess-up is going the extra mile to do things they wouldn’t usually do or behave in ways they wouldn’t.
Does this mean you shouldn’t go the extra mile to reconcile and work out where you messed up?
Not at all! However, one of the most effective ways to build trust after cheating is to keep things real. Don’t come up with excuses that portray how sorry you are. Open up to the real you and even give them the reasons why you did it. They may be stupid reasons, of course, and it may even worsen things. But know the appropriate time to do things and always be yourself. Keeping it real means you will always value your word and promises and show up when you are supposed to. Keeping it real means you will consistently keep up the same trend to build trust in a relationship.
Moreover, don’t lower your values to entertain your mate if your mission is to build trust. If they cannot accept you with your character as you are, you might lose yourself in the process of trying to keep them.
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Lose Yourself to Find Yourself
Maintaining trust in the long haul involves ‘losing yourself in the other person.’
Wait, what? Aren’t we contradicting ourselves?
You’ll have to learn to not only listen but to hear what’s being communicated
Losing yourself involves selflessness. It involves always considering your mate with higher esteem than yourself. This doesn’t mean you should compromise what you believe to build trust in a relationship. However, all your actions should be geared towards what’s best for the other person. In an ideal situation, this should be a two-way road. However, you have to be prepared for the possibility that they may not be willing to always act in your best interest at all times, even if you do. The question you should then ask yourself is, are you ready to stick in the relationship and work things out until they can love and value you the way you do?
You’ll come to find your best self once you have learned to be selfless across all areas but still maintain high values.
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Think and Rethink
One of the wrong notions and ideas propelled by pop culture is that love is blind. True love, which involves trust, calls for widely opened eyes and senses. You need to think clearly at all times and to rethink. Part of that involves admitting that you both are not perfect and you will fail in several instances. Are you willing to overlook all that and move on to better days? Are you prepared to talk on those days when you don’t feel like it?
Recognizing how to build trust effectively requires you to always be alert. Some may take this as a license to keep a record of every past wrong deed. Others may even assume we mean you should snoop all over your partner’s business.
Not at all. Thinking means you can make valid decisions and place your emotions on the back seat for a while. Thinking means you won’t be carried over by the moment, but you will consider the consequences of every deed. Thinking means you have the courage and boldness to say no if it will end up on a rough patch. Thinking involves learning how to build trust exercises and evaluate your relationship’s progress every once in a while.
Final Remarks
It won’t take rocket science to build trust in a relationship. But it may take a little more than that to restore trust once you’ve broken it. Be patient enough with your soulmate. If you are working on a long-distance relationship, know that learning how to build trust remotely may take a little bit longer since you don’t get to see each other. It calls for a heightened version of everything we have spoken of above.
